GOD JOKES

Five God jokes

1) Jesus, Moses and a very old man were playing golf one day. They all three came to a pond with the last hole on the other side.

Moses took the first shot. The ball went straight towards the pond, the water parted and the ball came to a stop on the other side right at the edge of the hole.

Jesus took his shot and the ball seemed to float about a half inch above the water to the other side of the pond but it came to rest right beside Moses ball and didn't go in the hole either.

Now when the very old man hit his ball, it barely moved. In fact it didn't even come close to the pond.

But before it came to a stop, a squirrel came running down a tree, grabbed the ball, ran over and threw the ball into the pond.

A turtle came up out of the water, caught the ball, swam to the other side and spit the ball on shore.

Out of the blue an eagle swooped down, scooped up the ball, flew over and dropped it straight in the hole.

Jesus just shook his head and looked over and said, "Nice shot Dad!"

2) One day a mother and her little boy were walking down the beach when they came upon a dead seagull. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the mother replied. The boy thought for a moment and then he said, "Why did God throw him back?"

3) A Christian cowboy finally came across a salesman who claimed to have a Christian horse for sale. The salesman told the cowboy, "Oh, it's a Christian horse alright!"

Instead of yelling "giddy-up," you have say, "Praise the Lord!" to get him to go. And if you want him to stop you can't say "Whoa. You have to yell, "Hallelujah!"

So the Christian cowboy bought the Christian horse. He saddled him up and took off for home. Suddenly, they came across a rattlesnake.

The horse, frightened and spooked, reared and bolted straight for a cliff. The Christian cowboy, in vain, kept yelling "whoa!" but the horse ran faster.

Panicking, he tried one word after another. Then, he remembered what the salesman said and screamed "HALLELUJAH!!!!" The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff.

Trembling and scared, as he looked down over the cliff, he gasped with relief, "PRAISE THE LORD!"

4) Two guys were walking in the woods on a very dark moon-less night. They heard the roar of a raging river and there was no way of getting across.

"I have an idea!" one of them said. "I have a flash-light, I'll just shine the light to the other side and you get up on the beam and walk across."

Well, the other guy looked at his friend with disgust and said, "Don't treat me like I stupid, I'll get out there about half way and you'll turn off the flash-light!"

(I know the one above wouldn't probably be considered one of these God jokes but I just had to throw it in).

5) A man was out hunting when he came across a bear. His gun jammed as the bear came charging. The hunter threw his gun at the bear as he ran for his life. As he came over a hill and was trapped at a cliff.

So the hunter dropped to his knees, closed his eyes and started praying like crazy. "Please God, make this bear a Christian bear!" "I'm begging you, please, turn him into a Christian bear!"

After a long silence and what seemed like eternity, knowing that by now the bear should've already chewed him up and/or tore him to pieces. He decided to open one eye and take a peek. He couldn't believe it. The bear was on his knees too. AND PRAYING!

The hunter was just about to thank God when he over heard the bears' prayer, "THANK YOU LORD FOR THIS FOOD AND I ASK THAT YOU BLESS IT. YOU TRULY ARE MY PROVIDER. I HAVEN'T EATEN IN DAYS, AMEN."

God jokes - maybe I should call them Christian jokes?